The Association Blog

No matter what the world may look like some days, empathy—like chivalry—isn’t dead. Speaker, trainer and humorist Karith Foster shares a handful of ways for growing and showing this game-changing soft skill

“Empathy isn’t dead,” stated speaker, trainer and humorist Karith Foster during her keynote at The Annual Conference this past November. “It’s just been in hibernation for a little while. And, as leaders, it’s up to us to bring it back.”

To help develop your ability to understand someone else’s feelings and to walk in their shoes, the speaker, trainer and humorist offered multiple strategies for growing empathy as your leadership superpower. Here are our fave five.

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Get Out Of The Spotlight

…and give it to someone else. We’re usually only seeing things from our own perspective—or, as Foster describes it, “We are all the stars of our own one-person play.” While this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, we sometimes need to make a shift. “We have to be conscious enough to take that spotlight off ourselves, and remember, ‘Oh gosh, that person may have a completely different experience from me. Let me hear it through their ears.’”

Unfollow Your Own Agenda

There’s a big difference between listening for what’s being said versus listening for what we want to hear. “This is one of the biggest challenges!” says Foster. “We’ve all got an agenda. We all have thoughts about what’s going to happen in this meeting, what’s going to happen with this client… What’s going to happen with my significant other? And sometimes we can’t step back, put ourselves in neutral and just listen to what’s being said.”

Sit Still and Sink Your Roots

Yes, it can be painful and uncomfortable to stay quiet and let another person express themselves. But guess what? “That’s where the root of empathy starts,” says Foster. “Because if you’ve got the chatter going on, or you’re just waiting to give your input, the other person is not going to feel heard. They’re not going to feel seen. There’s not going to be an exchange of any empathetic energy. So remember this wonderful but simple thing: quiet yourself down to hear what someone else is saying.”

And P.S., as for the discomfort of remaining still and listening —it’s only temporary.

Ask Again

Unless you are mind reader, says Foster, “You are never going to know exactly what someone else is thinking. And even then, guess what? Sometimes you ask, some people may not tell you,  because they’re not sure if they can trust you just yet. They’re not sure how strong that relationship is.”

What that means is that you might have to ask a couple different ways. “And maybe sometimes people even need to think about their answer before they come back to you,” adds Foster. “But the only way to truly connect to another person is to ask them, What are you thinking? What’s going on? How can I help you? How can I be of service?”

Bypass Bias with Grace

Newsflash—we all have biases. “But the idea about bias isn’t to have no bias,” says Foster. “That’s literally impossible. The idea is to catch yourself when it starts to come into play.” And no need to go home and self-flagellate, either. Adds Foster, “The idea is to catch yourself when it happens so that you don’t miss out on experiences, on relationships, on opportunities.”

What would you add to this list to develop empathy as your superpower?